Steve used to write articles that were genuinely helpful, but now he continually slaps his loyal readers in the face—the same readers who buy his book, go to his workshops, and click his affiliate links.
In his latest article, Mr. Pavlina tells us that he made a discovery on a three-week road trip: he really needs to tell his readers to go to hell.
“So if you’re reading this website, and you feel the urge to contact me with your feedback, question, proposal, etc., don’t do it. If that bothers you, well… I suppose you’ll have to get used to disappointment. I don’t even care to receive typo reports — people will still be able to figure out the message, despite the Typo Gremlin’s mischief.”
Translation:
“I am a creative genius who answers to no one. Go to hell, you worthless pawns.”
You can just feel to bitter arrogance in Steve’s words. He is an atheist who believes man is the measure of all things—therefore he is a God, omnipresent and infallible. He doesn’t even take responsibility for his own typographical errors, instead blaming the “Typo Gremlin.” At the very least he could replace the final words with “despite my failure at proof-reading,” but instead, he completely absolves himself of error. Moving on…
“So what’s the growth lesson here? Perhaps it would be wise for you to do your own soul-searching. Are your communication channels adding tremendous value to your life, or are they simply wasting your precious life?”
Steve believes he is teaching you a lesson. On the one hand, he claims to reject the title of “self-help guru.” On the other hand, he constantly talks down to his readers. Mr. Pavlina is saying that he has already searched his soul and exorcised an energy vampire. Now he is graciously giving you a cheat sheet, because you could never figure it out on your own. While Steve claims to be empowering you, he is a psychology expert who crafts his articles to weaken you and make you dependent on him. Then he complains that you are too “needy.”
“Another aspect is that many of the messages I receive are very needy. [...] A person who is ready to change will do a lot more than send a casual email to someone they’ve never met; by and large these people simply aren’t serious. They’re doing what’s easy because they’re hoping to avoid having to do what’s hard, such as quitting the meaningless job or leaving the unfulfilling relationship.”
So a needy loser’s first instinct is to send an email to a popular self-help expert who will tell him to man up and quit his job? Steve claims these losers are merely looking to validate their dispassionate lives. Why then would they write to him? Wouldn’t they talk to their family or friends, who are sure to support them? Certainly, sending an email to a stranger takes more courage than talking with family. In reality, Steve gives bad advice and then complains when people don’t follow his misguided logic.
Steve consistently upholds the logical fallacy that what’s hard is what’s right and the easier path is regressive. Of course, this is utter bullshit. What’s harder: staying committed in a marriage on the rocks or bailing out and chasing other women? What’s more difficult: digesting the real world or embracing infantile, magical beliefs about “subjective” reality? Is is cowardly to run from a gunman when the alternative is to stand your ground and be killed? Should you sweep your driveway with a toothbrush because it is more difficult than using a broom? Do you “avoid having to do what’s hard” when you drive a car rather than walk? What about riding a bicycle? Is that also cowardly? Perhaps you are a coward for walking unencumbered when you could be carrying a 75-pound backpack?
Tell me this, Steve: what’s harder? Cutting off your readers or actually listening to them? I know you would say severing communications requires a ruthless tactician, whereas listening to your audience would make you a spineless jellyfish. But in reality, you’re taking the coward’s way out.
I also unfollowed the 300+ people I’d been following on Twitter. It’s not because I don’t like them. It’s because when I follow someone, they can send me direct messages there, which creates yet another inbox for me. Twitter doesn’t seem to provide a way to disable DMs, so this is the only viable solution I can see.
Steve, we’re not idiots. Tony Robbins and Wayne Dyer weren’t bombarding you with direct messages. The people you were following weren’t sending you any direct messages, and if they were, you could just selectively remove them instead of mass-unfollowing everyone. The real reason you did this is this image:
And you want to provoke this response:
“OMG LOOK HOW IMPORTANT STEVE IS!!! 13,000+ PEOPLE FOLLOW HIM BUT HE FOLLOWS 0 PEOPLE!!! OMG HE IS SO IMPORTANT, AWESOME, AND INDEPENDENT!!! MOVE OVER JESUS—STEVE PAVLINA IS HERE TO REPLACE YOU!!!”
Sorry Steve, we’re not children. We know you’re a narcissist having a mid-life crisis, and we know as soon as the wind shifts you will transform like a chameleon.
“Does this mean I’m becoming anti-social and hiding behind a virtual wall? It’s really the opposite of that. I’d rather connect with interesting people face to face instead of receive messages via the Internet.”
Oh really, Steve? If that’s the truth, why don’t you shut down your website and tour the world? If you want to connect with people face-to-face, why are you broadcasting messages to needy strangers you don’t want to hear from? You believe you’re special. You send messages via the Internet, but heaven forbid someone should wish you to receive one. Like a typical con-artist, you spit on our cupcakes and call it frosting. The whole point of “Putting a Brick in My Mailbox” is to put a wall between you and your readers, and then you have the audacity to suggest you are doing the opposite. Shame on me for expecting more from someone who brags about being a petty shoplifter.
“Here’s an extra travel tip: Do NOT eat the nachos made with 10 different kinds of beans in Banff an hour before driving to Calgary!”
Oh great, a joke about flatulence. Real high-class, Steve. I totally understand why your website is Personal Development for Smart People.
“People who only communicate with me via the Internet seldom provide actionable feedback; they’re almost always projecting some aspect of their psyches onto me, as a way of asking me to solve the problem within themselves that they aren’t ready to face yet. They don’t understand the details of my situation well enough to be of help.”
Quid pro quo, Steve:
“People who I only communicate with via the Internet seldom receive actionable feedback; I’m almost always projecting some aspect of my psyche onto them, as a way of asking them to solve the problem within myself that I am not ready to face yet. I don’t understand the details of their situations well enough to be of help.”
There are two sides to every story, and we are tired of hearing only yours.
I got myself banned from stevepavlina.com today… for posting the following:
Sorry Steve.. I have to call BS on this..
I dont believe marriage isnt necessarily the pinnacle of human relationships.
In my personal opinion, RESPECT and LOVE is the highest pinnacle of ALL human relationships.
With mutual respect and love, a relationship can flourish. Without it, the relationship will wither and die..
In my opinion, if my partner was an internet “celebrity” I certainly would not want the ins and outs of our relationship demise published on the internet for all to see, comment upon etc. Especially if the primary reasons where that a) I dont eat raw food and b) I dont want to participate in sadomasochistic sexual situations…
You are appearing to me as a polarized darkworker.
What I see is a man who has made the decision to explore polyamory regardless of the effect it will have (and has had) on his family.
Perhaps Steve will realise this when his kids friends start coming across this information all over the internet in years to come.
Steve, I belive that Erin is and was deserving of a lot more respect. She let you go and “play” with your new chicks… and still she offers you full support…
I can guarantee that you have damaged Erin as part of this process… I feel her holding back in her posts. She wants to tell you, but is afraid of how you will react… YOU BROKE HER HEART. SHE IS STILL SUFFERING..
vBulletin Message
You have been banned for the following reason:
personal attack
Date the ban will be lifted: Never
Wow, I really don’t like that. You should not have been banned for a post like that. Sounds like you struck a nerve. I’m going to post this on the homepage. Feel free to join http://stevepavlina.org/forums and invite your friends.
Hey Richard… can you please remove my private IP info from the other post… I really dont want my work info shared with this information.. .
Steve is “bricking” his mailbox for the same reason he bans people from his forums– he can’t stand criticism.
I did, forgot to reply though.
He also thinks his time is too valuable to respond to or even acknowledge critics. But your time is never too valuable.
Wow. That is even tame as rebuttals go.
See, this is why I don’t publicly argue with Steve – I just decided to “go away”. Nobody would ever know what my grievance was, because evidence that I had rebutted would simply be removed anyway.
This is a very sick man, and I prefer not to be in his cult of nodding heads.
Yeah, you can’t really argue with Steve on his own terms. You have to create your own website like StevePavlina.org, where he can’t ban you.
You say, “While Steve claims to be empowering you, he is a psychology expert who crafts his articles to weaken you and make you dependent on him.”
Personally, I think this is giving Steve Pavlina way too much credit. He’s just an asshole, pure and simple.
I used to really enjoy reading Steve Pavlina’s blog. But his increasing arrogance just reeks through his writing! He’s successfully stripped himself of all credibility and is no longer helpful. Sad. And incredibly ironic when stacked against his claims of such “high standards.”
You may be right… he has gotten too big for his britches. But I think he can keep this going a few more years before people get sick of his arrogance. His original articles are still good.
I *think* what Steve is actually suffering from – but doesn’t say – is extreme introversion. My guess is that he’s way off the charts on the Myers Briggs INTJ scale. Especially the judging part, you definitely read that in his posts – that’s why they have that “voice of authority”. And that’s why he seems somewhat robotic in his approach to life.
Although I have a blog, am on twitter (but don’t tweet and follow very few people just because I haven’t been on since I first set it up – but am too technically incompetent to take the twitter button off my blog) and have a personal facebook account that I haven’t gone on for a year – I acknowledge that I am far too introverted to deal with a lot of the new social media. Like Steve, I’ve even thought about disabling the comments on my blog because it just feels very overwhelming to “talk” to so many people and it’s frightening to think that you’re on a stage and other people can read what you’ve written. It’s like talking in public – very hard to do for someone like me.
Social media really does feel like bombardment to an introvert. So I understand Steve’s going off of those methods of communication, I just don’t think he has the self awareness to know WHY he’s doing it or why it’s distasteful to him.
And of course there’s that narcissism… but that’s another problem.
Seriously? You clearly don’t get the whole personal development thing, don’t you? It’s about growing to become more of what you could be by learning through others and the circumstances life throws at you.
You feel your old mentor Steve has rejected you (boohoo). Get over yourself, stop whining and kill the Buddha that crosses your path. It’s about YOU, and nobody else. Good luck!